


When The Student Is Ready, The Teacher Appears

by Redangel228



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Quite a lot of angst, Repression, if there was ever going to be a slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29479302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redangel228/pseuds/Redangel228
Summary: Havers has worked alongside the Captain for some time.  He knows The Captain better than The Captain knows himself.  And he knows what is right for him.  Now all he has to do is get The Captain to acknowledge it
Relationships: The Captain/Lieutenant Havers (Ghosts TV 2019)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 51





	1. That afternoon

**Author's Note:**

> I think this has further, more explicit places to go but one step at a time, don't want to scare the Captain...
> 
> No mention of Africa, I think Havers is staying put for as long as it takes

‘Why don’t you join us on Saturday, sir? The village usually put on a good show, dancing and suchlike’ The two men stood side by side at the window watching the drills being carried out below.

‘Heavens, Havers, I couldn’t possibly’ The Captain bristled, did his lieutenant really know him so little?

‘You’re allowed to relax occasionally, Captain, all work as they say. The men are looking forward to spending time with some of the local young ladies. Within appropriate parameters of course’

‘Yes, well, local young ladies are not and never will be my concern Havers’ he coughed his habitual, throat-clearing cough

Havers looked at him sideways with gentle curiosity ‘Never, sir? That seems an awful pity. Shouldn’t everyone be allowed to feel loved?’

The Captain flushed, this was dangerous and uncomfortable territory, Havers could be close to inappropriate on occasion, insubordinate even. ‘Sometimes that’s just not possible, Havers, not how the world works out’ The Captain tried to sound gruff but failed, the lieutenant’s gaze was undoing knots in his psyche that had been tied up tightly for a very, very long time. How could he tell him that ladies of all kinds were not on his agenda? Havers gave him a long, appraising look and watched the Captain shift under it uncomfortably. He knew perfectly well that girls were not what the Captain wanted but he’d yet to get the Captain to admit it.

Returning his gaze to the parade ground, Havers let the very edge of his hand rest against the Captain’s where it lay on the windowsill. It was almost imperceptible, easily explained away. But the Captain didn’t flinch. Feeling a little braver, Havers brushed the tip of his little finger against the Captain’s knuckle. The Captain cleared his throat but he didn’t move, kept staring straight ahead at something fascinating outside in the trees. Havers swallowed hard and prayed. Slowly, leaving plenty of time for the Captain to pull away, he slid his hand to cover the Captain’s and rest on it affectionately. The Captain swallowed as if he were trying to push down every feeling he had. His eyes were so pained Havers wondered if he might cry but still he didn’t pull away.

‘Sir’ he began, The Captain continued to stare out of the window _‘Sir’_ The instruction _look at me_ was crystal clear in his tone. The Captain turned shakily to face him. ‘It’s not wrong, sir’ he said quietly

‘It’s bally _illegal_ , Havers’

‘That’s not necessarily the same as wrong, sir’ Havers said, voice still low. The Captain drew his breath in, ready to contradict him but the puff went out of his chest. He so very much wanted to be able to think as Havers did but for his whole life he had squashed any of these reprehensible feelings, hating himself for the things he knew he wanted.

Havers stroked his thumb softly over the back of the Captain’s hand. 

‘The truth is, Havers’ his shoulders slumped, he felt nervously able to confide in his lieutenant, his _friend_ ‘I wouldn’t even know where to start. I am pathetically ill-equipped for this conversation and for anything it might allude to’ He hung his head in shame and Havers fought the urge to scoop him up in his arms and kiss away every pain he had. He was surprised at the Captain’s honesty and moved by it but he knew it was fragile, that the Captain could clam up again any second.

‘I think’ he began, his voice low, almost casual, as if this were not potentially a pivotal life moment ‘that you could start by trusting me, sir’

The Captain raised his eyes to Havers’, the tiniest glimmer of hope in them. Could he really? Could he really trust this man? He wanted to so much it ached in his chest. 

‘And how’s that, Havers?’ he returned to a slightly more professional air, trying to regain some control over himself, frightened already that Havers had seen too much

Havers continued to stroke the back of his hand soothingly with his thumb and look into his eyes ‘In two ways I guess, Cap’ He took a chance on using an affectionate nickname, hoping it would slip in unnoticed. ‘You can trust me to be discreet, if for no other reason than I have as much to lose as you do. And’ he faltered, how did he explain this? ‘you can trust me to… to… help you? I am your second, after all’

‘And you have, erm, experience in the field, as it were?’ The Captain felt on firmer ground when analogies were used

‘Exactly, sir’ Havers said with relief in his voice. He took the fact that the Captain extended the metaphor as a good sign

The Captain turned away from the window and went to his desk. He leant back against it, hands gripping the front edge, eyes on the floor. There was contemplative silence. 

Havers swallowed and took a risk ‘When I was at school’ he began, leaning against the windowsill in a similar pose. He faced forward and spoke softly as if he were talking to himself. The Captain didn’t flinch but Havers could almost see his ears swivel round like a deer who has heard something in the undergrowth ‘I came back to the dorm one afternoon. It was Games, everyone was on the field. But Smithson had found some excuse to come in. I opened the dorm door and he was there, on his bed’ he paused and listened to the Captain breathing intentionally steadily ‘I should have left, he should have stopped maybe, but I didn’t. I watched him. And he watched me watching him. We got to know each other rather better after that. Behind the cricket pavilion mostly’ Havers gave a wry smile, cricket being a passion he already shared with the Captain. The Captain gave a small acknowledging lift at one corner of his mouth, he couldn’t manage a smile.

‘There have been others, here and there, enough to know how things work’ He looked at the top of the Captain’s head ‘Enough to know I could make you happy’

The Captain swallowed so hard he nearly choked, attempting to clear his throat of something that wouldn’t shift. No one in his entire life had ever expressed such an emotion. 

Havers didn’t take his eyes off him. ‘That’s all I want, really. To make you happy’ His gaze was so unwavering that the Captain couldn’t stop himself from turning to meet it. Again Havers saw so much pain in his eyes, so much conflict. The Captain seemed about to speak but a thousand different sentences wanted to come out and nothing happened. Havers couldn’t help himself, he crossed the floor and cupped the Captain’s jaw gently. He kept eye contact for as long as he could before he was too close to see clearly, watching so carefully for a sign that he should stop. But none came in the time it took to close the gap between them and Havers pressed his lips to the unresponsive lips of the Captain. He pulled away again, aware that, whilst not stopping him, the Captain was not engaging. His nerve wavered and he dropped his gaze.

The Captain seemed frozen, not moving from the very slight lean forward required when Havers had kissed him. He opened his eyes and coughed his awkward cough

‘Er, Havers? Could you possibly… would you mind… could you….do that…erm…again?’

Havers looked up sharply at the unexpected response. Before the Captain could change his mind, Havers kissed him again. He started slowly, still frightened of spooking his suddenly brave leader, but he let it linger, enjoying every moment of their touch. As they parted he brought his hand up to the Captain’s face and let the backs of his fingers graze his cheek. The Captain unconsciously leant towards it, following its heat, eyes closed, as Havers withdrew. He regrouped a little and raised his eyes to the lieutenant’s with a touch of embarrassment. He took a steadying breath, aware that his heart was thumping. The silence was heavy between them, pregnant with a million unspoken feelings. When he looked at the younger man again there was need in his eyes, fear, yes but yearning, a hundred years of yearning wrapped up in one expression. 

Havers pulled him to his feet and wrapped his arms around him, kissing him deeply as if he could somehow wrap every part of the Captain up in enough layers of Havers to stop the world ever hurting him again. And wonder of wonders, he felt the Captain respond, hands awkwardly finding a place to rest on Havers’ waist as he let the younger man guide their kiss. Havers cradled the Captain’s head with his right hand, taking the weight of it as the Captain tipped back to meet his mouth, feeling the bristles of his moustache as their kiss deepened. He ran the tip of his tongue gently against the Captain’s lip and felt him open his mouth instinctively to allow Havers entry, a noise catching in the back of his throat at the unexpected tingle he felt as their tongues met, teased, explored. The Captain felt so naïve and out of his depth but he knew his only option was to put his trust in this man, if he were to be educated then he had to believe Havers would do right by him.

Havers slowed and parted from their kiss, nuzzling gently against the Captain’s cheek, trying not to grin but making a poor job of it. The Captain took stock of the impact on his body, heart thumping, palms sweating, breath laboured, he was every cliché in the book. And, he couldn’t help but be aware, one predictable effect not written in any book a respectable person would read. Havers pressed his forehead to the Captain’s.

‘Are you ok, sir?’ he breathed. The Captain laughed despite himself

‘I think, under the circumstances, Tommy would be acceptable’ he said with a wry smile ‘And yes, William,’ he emphasised his use of Havers first name ‘I believe I will survive my initiation’

Havers smiled happily but tried not to get ahead of himself. ‘If you liked that, you should see what else there is to learn’ he said teasingly. The Captain swallowed, some of his nervousness returning.

‘That’s terribly kind Havers’ he said sadly ‘but I really don’t think this is a good idea’

Havers felt his heart sink ‘But sir, _Tommy…_ ’ his disappointment and sadness threatened to overwhelm him and words failed.

The Captain focused on a loose strand of hair as it escaped from Havers' usually immaculate head. He had seniority and a duty to maintain propriety. ‘It’s a bad idea William’ he said gently ‘and you know it.' The pain in his chest was so strong he almost couldn't speak, to have such a possibility dangled in front of him and to have to decline. But he knew that pain came with the life he was born into.

‘I know what I felt’ Havers said resolutely ‘and that was that you want this as much as I do. Please let me, Tommy, please’ he knew he sounded like he was begging but right now he would happily fall to his knees if it would help, he couldn’t let this moment get away, not when he’d waited and wished for so long. The Captain gave him a long look. He’d faced down Jerry with less fear than he felt now. Both their careers and their reputations could be ruined in a heartbeat, it wasn’t worth it. But the thought, the overwhelming thought, of being close to this man who he held in such regard, who he trusted and respected and _loved_ …

‘We’d have to be careful, scrupulous…’ Havers looked at him eagerly, mentally urging him to give the green light

‘I’d never put you in any danger, sir, on any level, ever, you know that’ He reached up and brushed his fingers through the short, silvering hair on the Captain’s temple. The Captain sighed. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to say no, not this time, he’d used up all his willpower saying no for 45 years. He was embarrassingly close to whimpering as he chased the warmth of Havers’ touch. He straightened and they looked steadily at each other, both acknowledging that this was inevitable, inescapable.

‘What do we do, Havers?’ The Captain’s voice was barely a whisper, he dropped his head

‘We trust each other’ Havers waited until the Captain met his eye again and nodded mutely. Havers would have like to have seen less fear and more enthusiasm but he understood the almost impossible position the Captain found himself in. He was determined to live up to the Captain’s faith in him, to show him exactly why this decision was the right one.

‘We have a briefing, sir’ he pulled away slowly ‘It’s 1800 hours’ The Captain took a huge breath in and centred himself. ‘But sir?’ The Captain looked up ‘Can I come to your quarters? Tonight?’ The Captain nodded slowly, not trusting himself to speak. Havers pulled a smart salute, turned on his heel and left the office. The Captain looked at the closed door for some moments before shaking himself back to reality, this was no time to wonder what he’d done. That would come later.


	2. That evening

The Captain sat at the small writing desk in the corner of his bedroom. The only light in the dark room was a brass, green-shaded desk lamp, illuminating the report in his hand. He sighed and laid it down. He had read it several times but hadn’t taken in any words. This was ridiculous. He glanced at the clock. 2315. He rubbed his hand across his eyes. He was tired. A creature of habit and discipline, lights out meant lights out, even in his private quarters. He would usually be asleep by now. What did he think he was doing? Havers wasn’t really going to visit and even if he did… Every defence Havers had eased that afternoon had snapped back into place, the idea was preposterous, impossible, _wrong_. He rose stiffly, knees cracking. Bed time. He refused to sit waiting like some lovesick schoolgirl for a suitor who would never come.

A gentle knock on the door. The Captain froze. It was so close to the edge of hearing he wasn’t sure if he had imagined it. Another knock, a fraction louder but still subtle. Perhaps it was late night news from the front. No need for the rush of adrenaline that rose up.

‘Come’ he called out, professional tone firmly in place

The handle turned and the door began to open. To the Captain everything seemed to be in half-time, he waited impatiently for the visitor to reveal themselves, uncertain if he was more frightened that it was Havers or it wasn’t.

‘Good evening, Captain’ Havers stepped into the room, a picture of military bearing and appropriate respect for authority. He closed the door carefully, turned to the silent Captain and grinned.

‘Hello Tommy’ he said quietly, delighted to have the opportunity

The Captain’s expression didn’t change. He sniffed and stretched his neck as he did when he was trying to assert himself, rocked up and back on his toes.

‘Good evening, Lieutenant’ he replied, smartly. Havers wilted a little, not even _Havers_ but lieutenant. He eyed the Captain uncertainly, had this afternoon been completely erased? ‘What can I do for you at this hour?’

Havers took a step towards him. ‘Captain?’ There were so many questions packed into one word. He swallowed nervously.

The Captain took pity, he had to give them both a way out, it was his duty. 

‘Now Havers’ a less abrupt tone but with a hint of warning to it, ‘I know what you’ve come to say and I appreciate the, uh, time you took to converse with me this afternoon but…’ He let it hang in the air, unwilling to even acknowledge the possibility with a refusal

Havers lowered his eyes and focussed on an inoffensive corner of the floor. He felt his chest heave, his throat tighten, his jaw tense. He wasn’t sure if it was tears or anger but _something_ was boiling up in him. 

‘Don’t _say_ that’ in an effort to contain the emotion it came out as a growl. The Captain hesitated momentarily, he had been so ready to be immoveable on this but his resolve was crumbling as he watched Havers try to control himself. 

‘God damn it, Havers, we _can’t_ ’ he turned to anger to cover his urge to cross the room wrap his arms around the younger man and never let go

Havers lifted his eyes to meet the Captain’s. Once he knew the Captain was struggling it was somehow easier, he knew how to work with that, it was flat out denial that was impenetrable. He tested the water. ‘Tell me to go, Tommy’ he said with infinite gentleness ‘Tell me you want me to go and I’ll go and we’ll never speak of it again’

The Captain stared at him open mouthed, willing the words to come out but they stuck in his throat. He felt his eyes go slightly watery at the effort to contain the conflict inside him, not even cogent fors and againsts in his head any more, not the push-pull of logic and counter-logic but an overwhelming jumble of emotions. The thought of Havers walking back out through the door brought him closer to tears than anything he could remember but they couldn’t, they _couldn’t._

Havers walked towards him as he stood frozen. He put his hands on the Captain’s upper arms and looked into his eyes.

‘It’s just us, Tommy, we’re the only ones here’ The world came to a halt for a moment, everything waiting on the Captain’s response, both of them aware that whatever it was, it would fix the direction they went in. 

The Captain slumped. Havers felt himself breathe out for the first time in minutes, he knew there would be no more resistance, the Captain had battled with his demons and one side had emerged victorious. There might be a long road before he was truly comfortable, dare Havers even think _happy_ , but this was the first step on it. He crooked his finger under the Captain’s chin and lifted his face towards his own. He smiled gently at the Captain, hoping to convey that he understood the difficulties and fears but that it would be ok. The Captain looked back, trying to keep his face from showing his nerves. He attempted a tiny smile. It wasn’t entirely successful but it was a start.

Havers wove his fingers into the Captain’s and pulled him, unresisting, towards the bed. He sat and tugged the Captain down next to him. They sat together silently for a moment as the Captain looked at their hands like he’d never seen fingers before. He raised hopeful, almost childlike eyes to Havers. 

‘I _do_ trust you, Havers, of course I do’ he said quietly as if he were answering a recently posed question. Havers furrowed his brow. ‘Earlier, you said I should start by trusting you. I want you to know that I do, I trust you completely, I just…’ his voice trailed off ‘I feel so inept and we’re taking such an enormous risk. And for what? So I can participate in some acts I have lived all my life without missing?’

‘No, Captain’ Havers voice was almost a whisper ‘So you can know how it feels to be loved’ The Captain gave a tiny snort.

‘Not something I’ve missed either’ he said wryly

‘Then it’s definitely time you found out’ Havers tried to keep his tone casual but it cut him deeply to think this man who meant so much to him had lived a life so bereft of tenderness.

The Captain gave a small, non-committal shrug ‘Perhaps’ He regrouped. This was a learning experience, not about sentimentality. He looked at the handsome man to his right, cheekbones catching the warm, soft light from the desk lamp and his attempt at detachment immediately melted. 

Havers had no more words. He leant forward and pressed a kiss to the Captain’s lips, his free hand rising to hold the Captain’s head as they came together. The Captain held himself stiffly at first but as the kiss deepened he seemed to relax into it. His free hand reached blindly for some contact and landed on the lieutenant’s left knee. Havers felt the heat from it burn through his uniform. Their mouths met slightly awkwardly, the angle uncomfortable. Havers pulled away. 

‘Lay down’ he said hoarsely

The Captain looked as if he were going to argue

‘Just lay next to me, nothing more, we’ll be more comfortable that’s all’

The Captain puffed out a breath as if the request were a serious imposition but he stood up and waited for Havers to indicate the easiest arrangement. It was a narrow single bed, regulation army issue, metal framed, mattress slightly dipping in the middle, sheet and blanket tight like a drum having been made to exacting standards. The luxurious four-posters that belonged to the house had been stored away for safe keeping and for propriety’s sake; having the COs in such accommodation while the men bunked in draughty dorms would not have been right. But it didn’t help now. 

Havers realised he would have to take the lead. He swung his legs on to the mattress, laying down on his right side as far over as he could, and made space for the Captain to join him. The Captain winced at boot polish on sheets and wrinkles in immaculate uniforms but he recognised that stopping to adjust what they were wearing would be a dangerous interruption and might make Havers suggest they take off more. He had divested himself of his tunic before he sat at his desk earlier. He lowered himself awkwardly on to the bed. Remarkably, given the width of the mattress, he managed to leave room between them but Havers pulled him closer, holding their bodies together as he again initiated a kiss. The Captain felt like a statue in his arms, limbs and back ramrod straight, but slowly, slowly he began to relax. At first he only allowed his muscles to ease but as their kiss deepened he found his body craving the warmth and pressure of Havers against him. He wriggled, a fraction of an inch at a time until his body moulded to that of his companion and they pressed themselves tightly together. 

He felt Havers slide his hand higher up his back, pulling him in to his chest with only the cotton of his shirt and vest separated him from the heat of Havers’ hand. He half regretted removing his tunic, feeling vulnerably exposed even under two layers of fabric, the thick wool of his uniform would have helped him to feel protected. He felt Havers pull away and start to sit up. The lieutenant put his fingers to the highest brass button on his own tunic and asked politely ‘May I, sir?’ The Captain tried to swallow his amusement. Havers had asked the same question a few days before, as protocol dictated, when they were deep in concentration over plans and maps. Hardly a necessary request in the circumstances but there was something respectful about it he appreciated. He tipped his head in a small acknowledgement and found his mouth became drier with each button Havers slipped free. Havers rose to his feet and hung his jacket over the top of the Captain’s, already on the back of the desk chair. To the Captain it seemed oddly significant although he was damned if he could pin down what it signified, a sort of intimacy perhaps.

Havers lay down again and snuggled closer to the Captain. He smiled softly ‘That’s better’ and pulled the Captain to him again. He stroked away a non-existent piece of hair from the Captain’s greying temple. The Captain felt himself smile back nervously, the interruption making him self-conscious again. He wished he had a set of instructions on how to behave. So many years of military service had left him with a deep-seated certainty of the correct response to any situation, he rarely questioned his own actions any more. A lack of confidence was disconcerting.

‘ _Tommy_ ’ Havers was smiling at him with affectionate reprimand ‘Will you please just try to relax?’ The Captain let some of the tension go from his body as he returned the smile with wry acknowledgement. He could do this. He _wanted_ to do this. Heaven knows it was a rare enough opportunity. His esteem for his lieutenant had long been very high, he was an excellent officer. He was calm in a crisis, knowledgeable, disciplined, had the respect of the men. And although he had caught himself admiring such things as Havers’ broad shoulders in his uniform or the line of his jaw, the Captain was able to tell himself it was a purely objective appreciation of aesthetics. The army needed strong, capable men. And now this strong, capable man wanted to make him happy. If there was ever a time to overcome the resistance in his head it was now. He needed to demonstrate his willingness. 

He placed his hand carefully on Havers’ waist, tried not to think too hard about the way the younger man’s flesh yielded under this fingers, and leant in to kiss him. Havers swallowed his smile at the Captain’s bravery and returned the kiss softly. They wriggled closer, bodies pressed together, craving the heat and intimacy as their kiss deepened. Havers tried to stay patient, gentle, he wanted the Captain to know all the different sensations they could produce just from pressing their lips together. He nearly laughed with surprise when he felt the tip of an extremely nervous tongue dab lightly at his lip. _Go Cap!_ his internal voice cheered. He parted his lips to allow the Captain’s tongue to slip into his mouth and find his own. He tightened his grip on the Captain’s back in a gesture of encouragement.

The Captain felt slightly dizzy. Every sensation was so strong, the taste of Havers’ lips, the smell of his regulation soap, the feel of him _everywhere_ , hands, mouth, chest. He felt Havers’ hand slide lower, towards the small of his back and, after a decorous pause, down to his buttock to pull their hips more tightly together. He felt his thigh press more firmly between Havers’ enjoying the feeling that all parts of their body were matching together, finding their companion. He shifted his weight a little, just to get comfortable, but it sent a small groan from Havers directly into the Captain’s mouth and the Captain was momentarily confused, had he leant on him accidentally? Then the realisation that sent a flush up his neck and across his face. Good Lord. He felt an almost imperceptible roll in Havers’ hips and his body returned it without any input from his brain. His hands trembled as they held Havers’ close to him and they began to rock very slightly together, just enough pressure where he suddenly needed it to send delicious sensations right through his body and make his head spin. Heavens. Their kisses had been intoxicating enough, this was more than he thought he could handle today. He let it continue, ever more breathless at the building sense of pleasure. Then, invoking the self-control he was famous for, he put his hand on Havers’ hip and pushed their bodies slightly apart. Havers parted from their kiss almost panting with need, pupils black with lust. He was about to gently chastise the Captain for his timidity but something in the Captain’s face told him this wasn’t a surrender, merely a tactical retreat. He smiled with resigned understanding

‘Enough education for one day?’ the words might have sounded teasing to the point of sarcasm but the tone was affectionate, tender

The Captain was able to smile dryly at himself. He smoothed Havers’ hair away from his beautiful dark eyes and nodded with a slightly sad smile.

‘It’s ok, Cap, one step at a time, there’s no rush’ he kissed the end of the Captain’s nose and was rewarded with another smile, this one full of affection. Havers immediately resolved to find and release the playful part of the Captain and get as many of those smiles as possible.

He rolled himself out of the bed and retrieved his tunic. The Captain watched from his prone position, a small glow inside from the pleasure of their time together mixed with sadness at watching him leave. Havers finished straightening his uniform and leant over to kiss the Captain gently on the lips. He held his chin between his thumb and forefinger and looked into the Captain’s eyes

‘To be continued’ he said softly


End file.
